Sep 23
Husband wants a second child. I don't. Advice please?
Husband wants a second child. I don't. Advice please?
When my husband and I were dating we discussed children. I said one or two children, he said two or three. Now we've been married for 7 years and have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. I hated being pregnant. I was sick for about 6 months and after the delievery of my child I underwent an emergency procedure to remove the placenta. I've been tramatized by this ordeal. I don't want to get pregnant again and I don't want the extra (everything) that another child would bring. And I say that in the present-tense. I don't know, maybe in a few years I'll feel differently, but I don't want another child right now or in a year from now. My husband and I had a fight a few nights ago about this, he said he “expects” me to be pregnant in a year. It has me totally freaked out. I'm enjoying my life, my family and my career-why would I want to mess with that? I'm afraid my husband will leave me if I don't “produce” another child for him. His sister has two children (both unplanned) and she and he were speaking a day before our fight. She is a bit of a manipulator and she and I had a talk where I said I'm happy with one child for now. I'm pretty sure she told him this the other night. He said he's concerned I won't want another child ever. Maybe I won't.
I've been dealing with the whole “expectations of a woman” thing. Why should I have to have a child (much less two)? Because I can? For me that's not enough of a reason. Just because “it's what my husband has always wanted,” isn't good enough reason to create another life either. I feel like all the passion has left me after our fight. I'm finally at a weight I'm happy with and he wants me fat and prgnant again. I feel trapped and I'm worried what will happen to us. Why isn't our little family of three good enough for him?
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September 23rd, 2009 at 4:49 am
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:49 am
The worst thing that can happen to a child is to be born with a *job* — and if you have this second child just to satisfy your husband's wishes it would be the absolute wrong thing to do.
Good luck, Sweetie!
xoxoxo
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:49 am
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:49 am
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:49 am
I think that you need to sit down and talk with your husband. Tell him that you are afraid of having another child because of the incident that happened in your last pregnancy, and feel that at this time you are not ready. I would explain to him that you are happy in your marriage with him and that you are content with the way things are going. Assure him that in the future you may be willing to have another child (if you want to), but at this time you are not ready and that he should respect that. I would also ask him if his sister has been talking about this to him, and if she has that she needs to mind her business. It's none of her concern. Anyhow, I hope this helps you. Don't feel pressured to do anything that you don't want to, and if he is trying to force you and intimidate you with a divorce then so be it. You know whats best for you right now so don't let anyone take away your happiness:)
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:49 am
I am guessing he would like a son.
My wife wanted a third child and I really didn't but I wanted to make her happy. It has not been void of some resentment though, and certainly wouldn't be in your case either.
Every pregnancy is not the same, another one could be easier and it does sound like two children is the common ground.
I would wait until you have your marriage more stable first though (less fighting, more discussion) but at the same time I much preferred having the kids close together rather than spacing it out over years. Get it done with.
You can use this as a negotiation point as well *as long as* you mean it; don't make a laundry-list of excuses.
e.g. we need to take better care of and do a better job handling the responsibilities we have with our current child before I want another one. We need to reconnect more first before we introduce the stress of rearing another infant.
I'll agree to a second child if you agree with a tubal-ligation (or maybe a vasectomy) after-wards, boy or girl.
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:49 am
bringing a child into this world take two to make( usually lol) and two people to decide and be Happy with that decision.
i think that his sister put abit of pressure onto him. its not entirely his decision you carry that child give birth and mainly look after it and go through everything else a new mother would. just put your foot down and tell him your not ready to have another baby now maybe in a few years if it comes down to you guys divorcing well let it be it.
if he threatens you with divorce tell him to go jump dont give in to a baby that way he will know he will always get what he wants. ome people especially men dont understand what we woman have to go through its easy for them just make it and woman does the rest. people dont think before bringing children into the world thats the saddest thing, i think.
good luck hun xxx
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:49 am